Live Fast, Dress Pretty

2012-02-19T01:58:00.017+08:00

Laneway and Will and The People got me a bit depressed realising what I'm not and if I'll ever be able to be that but a light at the end of a tunnel came to me in the form of a simple realisation - that I have actually managed to achieve a couple of things.

I mean, I graduated from secondary school a year ago, with absolutely nothing but my goals. I didn't even know in details what exactly my goals were - I just knew that it involves writing, England, and that I would like to go for more concerts.

Fast forward to a year later and I have

1. Joined Fever Avenue

2. Become a sub-editor (not that I'm any good at it, in fact I really suck at being one but the point is that I have that on my namecard)

3. Have a blooming namecard!

4. Interviewed around 10 international bands (Never in my entire life have I ever imagined that happening to me at 17 years old)

5. Seen over 20 bands live, with about 7 of them being on my favourites list, all for free just because I'm under the media (which is still pretty new and cool to me now)

6. Had a freaking backstage pass to Laneway. I was entitled to all the press cons and to see all the bands about 5cm away from my face. Last year during Laneway I was at home being a loser for god sake!

7. Liased with event promoters

8. Learnt a whole load about publication sites and how it all works (shit I have absolutely no clue about before I joined FA. Didn't even know they went through such procedures)

9. Have a clearer view of what I would really like to major in

10. Worked with so many white people, majority of them being British (hahaha)

11. Hugged two british boys (not just any boys too, musicians that look like they were off Skins)!!!!

But all jokes aside, I mean seriously, all these at 17! Of course anyone can easily say that they could have done it too, and they probably could and would have been better than me too, but they didn't do it and I did. I mean sure, FA is no Straits Times, but all of these are things that matter to me, and they happened! I have NEVER in my wildest dreams thought it would happen to me at so young either.

I was thinking a few days back how I should probably give up on being a writer because I don't seem to have a natural flair in writing anymore (or maybe I never really had it in the first place) but so what? So I'm not as sociable and outgoing as I am in my head, so I don't give off an impression I would have liked to give off to people, so my vocabulary isn't flowery enough, so my language may not have been as fluent as I had always thought it has been, so I still mispronounce certain words (I FULLY BLAME THE ENGLISH EDUCATION SYSTEM HERE FOR THAT) but screw that, I've managed to achieve waaaay more than I had expected to achieve in a year and who's to say what more I will achieve in the future? You can always improve yourself. Read more, speak more, edit more, whatever. I still have my whole life ahead of me anyway!

And all these just leads to further evidence on a theory I think I came up with but may have been inspired subconsciously from things I've read - If you really want it, you'll eventually get it. And if you don't get it, you probably didn't really want it in the first place.

Of course there's God and I'm still not sure if it's wrong in my religion to believe in the Universal Law but I kind of believe in it anyway, to thank for giving all these opportunities to me. It's true that you don't have to work really hard, but whenever there's a window of opportunity that promises something you want, take that leap, however big it is. That's all the effort you need, and sometimes that's the biggest and scariest. You obviously can't stay put and wait for something to magically bring you to wherever it is that you want to be.

I graduated knowing I wanted to write, but I didn't know what about, where about, hell I didn't even know the industry properly then. But two Poly sems and 5 months at FA later, I have officially realised that I love being an Entertainment writer. Life somehow took all the things I love and collaborated it into the form of an Entertainment writer, something of which the fundamentals I wasn't initially clear about.

Well, not somehow of course. Me joining FA was all thanks to my brother (I really have a lot to thank him for). It was fate I think, because on the same day he proposed the idea to me I just found out I got fired from my ice cream job and I wouldn't have considered joining FA then if I had a job. I was terribly scared too of joining FA, I wasn't sure if I could handle it and if I was good enough yada yada the things people try to find excuses with but somehow I went for the interview and I did it.

I give absolutely no care or concern that I don't get paid to write for FA neither do I see working in FA as a waste of my time. All the things I've learnt and seen are worth more than money ever would. People should do things because they're passionate about it anyway, not because they're driven by money.

I am so thankful I am who I am because to be honest I don't really want to be anyone else with their different set of values, beliefs, way of life and ambitions. I like wanting what I want, if that makes sense. This may not even be that big an achievement to everybody else, but this have been a few large steps that are headed in the right direction for me.

...So perhaps I might get whatever it is that I want in life. Maybe it'll take some time, maybe it'll take a few disappointments, but I believe it will happen someday.

I'm typing this at 2.40 in the morning and I'm not even bothered with the fact that this is horribly written and that there probably are a million grammatical errors in it because I just want to get all this positivity out before it (hopefully not) fades off.

Good job Shereen, anything is possible if you really want it. I have never thought of this, not even to myself, but I am honestly quite proud of myself right now.

2012-02-06T23:39:00.006+08:00

Can I be a musician already? The bassist is so fucking cool...missed them in TPP when I had the blooming tickets.

Also it probably would be okay to say that Jack Steadman is running for president in my heart against Alex Turner. The monkeys are getting a bit too american for my liking (still love them though) but Bombay Bicycle Club is still frolicking around the outskirts of success...which is just the way I like it. Not to mention, I've already interviewed Jamie and watched the band live. My life is kinda amazing (in that aspect).

2012-01-31T18:01:00.003+08:00

I started watching Shameless US because I was bored and it was alr on my laptop thanks to Collin. Watched the UK version but didn't really like it but the US one was so so so much better contrary to my popular belief of british products being the best.

Anyway I've come to the end of season 1 of shameless and I am hopelessly and shamelessly in love with it. Hell, I'm in love with Lip. He's so intense and intelligent and badass at the same time it's so sexxxy. Also, I remember reading from the UK's version that Fiona's gonna leave soon, can't quite rmb if it'll be in s1 or 2, but she hasn't leave yet so I'm hoping they've stopped adapting to the UK's version because it'll be horrible if fiona leaves the family. Should have known better than to get attached to a fuckin tv show

So many errors in those two paragraphs but I really can't be bothered. I have one essay for school and 1239573y9243752 million articles to write for FA but I haven't start on any and fuck I don't know

2012-01-29T19:11:00.003+08:00

Walked through a private neigbourhood in Westlake Avenue in an attempt to feel....god knows what. Went to MacRitchie for school and had to let Shobs go off first before walking in. I couldn't figure out what I was trying to reminisce or feel, but either which would have been equally pathetic. I was void of all emotions ironically, and if anything, I walked out of that place more depressed than ever. On the bright side, I did see a house that intrigued me, but that's a bit contradictory too. I don't seem to have a reason for half of the things I do these days.

2012-01-26T22:48:00.006+08:00

As usual, I'm being effing miserable and it goes unnoticed (boo hoo) but they as expected, finds trouble, gets in trouble, is miserable, and the whole world notices. But meh what do I know, maybe that's how life is and I'm just missing out.

I need to get some perspective, these repetitive things are too fishy to just be a coincidence. Need to stop being so goddamn uptight and sensitive too, even I'm pissing myself off. I've pretty much lost control again

2012-01-22T00:48:00.006+08:00

I wonder how it must feel to be so special to someone you're all they can think about, that every conscious and subconscious move and thought you make and think is about them. I wonder what it is that they show, or what it is that they have? I've tried hard to be me and that didn't work. Neither did trying to be someone else work. Not caring worked even worse.

I must at least be something right? As I get older, slowly but surely, I start to realise I am really worthless and that's really depressing. Again, it is really weird how I seem to be so self-confident in my head, always assuring myself that this is not the end and my time will soon come...but I've meet so many people and if out of that many, none seemed to think I was anything at all, what makes me think that somewhere out there there is someone?

All the past pursuits I have had had all been pretty...shallow. I don't see any of them actually liking me for who I truly am, liking me so much to the point of love. I'm not special. And I probably never will be.

I do believe in the law of attraction more than I let myself admit consciously, so each day when things like these happen I try so fucking hard to avoid it and push it to the very back of my head so it doesn't affect me. But these things are tricky, malicious little bastards, and they will creep out on you eventually. And that sucks, because I'm so raw and bare now I don't know what to do.

But seriously, what is it about people like you? It's weird...but somehow I can see through you, and your little attention-seeking ways and I think, "How can someone not see this? How can they see this beautiful side of you and not see this side that's really just begging you to notice her?". You can argue that I'm just jealous, which I 30% probably am, but most of everyone somehow feel this too so why are they still so fucking devoted to you?

I don't ask for much and when I do, I am upfront about it instead of beating around the bush and being so damn sarcastic. I hide all these sorrows so well sometimes I believe for myself that I'm actually genuinely happy. But nobody ever feels interested in my sorrows, not my friends, not my family, not anyone. I'm not even sure if my sorrows are legit because maybe I'm the attention-seeking one (how ironic seeing I don't even say much stuff outside), and all of these people are the ones who are really genuine. Maybe all these negative things I'm feeling are minor, unimportant.

Well, I certainly feel that way. Minor and unimportant. Tomorrow I'll probably wake up feeling like I don't give a damn about what the world thinks and feeling so goddamn pissed with myself for being such a whiny ass, but the cycle will repeat itself. I don't know what to feel. I hear and see all these things and I take too much notice and pretend like I don't more than is healthy; and for that moment I really don't, but it etches itself to my subconscious and there it will lie until too many of these happen and my subconscious starts dripping into my consciousness and this happens.

I don't know how I can handle this for the days and the weeks and the months and the years to come. Where am I even heading to? I left secondary school feeling like I could start anew, but I realise these things have nothing to do with the school and the people. It happens everywhere and that scares me. Would leaving make a difference then, if I would just have to encounter a new set of people who have their own backgrounds and habits?

It's me. I am nothing. My heart is empty but that's not the point, the point is, how do I ever be special enough to someone? I feel fucking depressed, but I'm bad with words, I'm bad with people and I always get the wrong message out. If nobody cares, then am I really depressed? Because all this attention is given to people around me who are too, but none to me so what am I feeling really?

I don't want to die, but I need some peace.

2012-01-18T00:00:00.009+08:00

The teenagers here are too fixated with their studies and earning money that they forget, or miss out, on the essence of youth. Why are they not as fascinated as me in getting the best out of our best years? Why do they not want to do reckless stuff (and for the love of god why are all these kids so intent on getting the latest electronic gadgets?)? Maybe I just haven't found the right bunch...I'm sure all hope is not lost here.

But as always, let's point to the society, don't even think I need to point out why. This place is a fucking dump and I am rotting my teenage life away doing nothing legendary. What else is new

(Although I can't say all is bad...since I've joined Fever Avenue I've been a step closer to all that I love and all that I wish to be)

OH WHICH REMINDS ME. Why the fuck is everyone so desperate to get in a fucking relationship? You'd think that at 18 people would at least be mature about having a partner. Control your fucking hormones ffs

2012-01-15T01:25:00.003+08:00

Just got home from FOSTER THE PEOPLE and am waiting for mcdelivery (fat, I know).

Don't think explaining the concert would do it any justice so let's just stick to it being FUCKING AWESOME. The boys were fucking brilliant and they sound so well and despite being separated from Kel and Elv I still danced like a crazy hippy by myself. Oh and I also got the band to sign my phone! I love my job so much I am now 100% sure of what I want to be in the future. I don't write very well though but hahaha what I have should suffice.

Also the after party was fucking brill too. The DJ played songs from bands I fucking love, ALL SOMEMORE YOU KNOW, Arcade Fire, Foals, Bjork, Two Door etc etc. Night was so fucking awesome, also goes to show that you don't need alcohol to get high - that's all bullshit if you ask me, everyone drinks because of the image that comes with it.

I must say though that I felt really bad seeing the cleaners cleaning up after our mess...how unfair is it that we get to enjoy ourselves silly and these people have to clean up our mess just to get some money? I guess I have to be thankful I live in Singapore, because at least it's a developed country and the borders between the rich and poor are not as distinct as it in the less developed countries...but yeah that really sucks.

But I had a good time! I need more nights like this.

2012-01-09T21:36:00.004+08:00

Was looking through my archives and I've come to the sad realisation that I've only ever been in 'love' once. I'm turning 18 now and that was years ago. I'm such a sad person

2012-01-06T00:10:00.002+08:00

I'm working on being nice here so I shall not comment on your poor command of the English language and how your tweets are all really horribly phrased and how you, as a person, is disgusting and is the exact definition of what this country wants you to be - an ignorant paperchaser that will do no good to this country except to contribute to it economically.

Ooops.

2012-01-04T21:25:00.003+08:00

So...I just read this whole article on the law of attraction and

1] I am really disgusted by my lack of religious knowledge. Knowing all there is to know about my religion will probably clarify certain things. Not even sure if this shit is legit. But I'm a lazy influenced little fucker anyway...but I digress.

2] I am once again, mindfucked.

So what I got reminded about (the first time being the heroine of my life telling me and absolutely failing me afterwards - ironically contradicting what she wanted me to practice but whatevs) was that whatever you project into the universe gets sent out and even if you think one negative thought per day, it will accumulate and add up to a gazillion bad karma points so don't think bad thoughts.

But who the fuck can stop from thinking things, good or bad? And I'm thinking a million negative thoughts per hour recently (well the numbers has skyrocketed ever since 2011, damn that bitch of a year)and the first negative thought that led to my letdown of a self esteem has got to start from some truth right?

I can't remember what that truth was and if I were to count the number of things that are wrong with me now it'd be too much (yes, I didn't use many). So what, are all these "things" only beginning to take shape in me because it really is me and has nothing to do with anyone or anything, or are they really just projections from my fucked mind?

I still need time to figure this out I guess. Meanwhile, I'll try to stay positive. I'm sure staying positive isn't against the religion.

2012-01-04T20:50:00.005+08:00

Going through the motions.

Perhaps I should put more effort in being nice to people, however pretentious that may be, so people will acknowledge me and that will at least feed my losing self-esteem

But maybe not. Maybe if nothing works out in the next 8 years, I'll try. Or die, because a life that isn't mine is not a life worth living.

2011-12-21T02:34:00.002+08:00

If the world really ends in 2012 I'm probably never going to get to England, even if Heaven comes in the form of anything and everything I've ever wanted in Earth (although I'm pretty sure I remember something about how Heaven is spp to be like but it's all pretty hazy right now -how repulsing, I know)because I'll be too busy facing the wrath of Hell.

2011-12-11T01:59:00.002+08:00

I don’t know why you can’t treat your helper with respect. I know you pay her and she’s there to serve you but you can’t keep shouting at her like that. It’s so rude and I really can’t stand how she seems so meek every time. All of you in that household are adults, you should know better than to let arrogance get to the better of you.

And then there’s B. I feel like what I feel about myself has created a jinx for her, and I really don’t want that. But of course there’s Her and Him and they probably have a part to play in that but I would never have been so mean as to ignore the innocent girl just because of circumstances she has absolutely no control of. I love her with all my heart and to see her unimportance here breaks my heart into a million pieces.

I have nothing else to say except that all of you should know better. I swear on my life that I will NOT grow up and turn into one of you.

2011-12-09T23:36:00.001+08:00

"Still too young to fail,

too scared to sail away

But one of these days I'll grow old

And Ill grow brave and I'll go"

2011-12-06T22:04:00.004+08:00

"Took a stab in the dark and missed again I believe

The hardest part is not seein' what I used to see

My fifth route to endeavor where it does all it can

To whisper in both my ears make-believe stories"

2011-12-02T02:07:00.003+08:00

How amusing.

All I gotta say really...is fair play. I mean, migrants coming and invading your country can really be quite annoying, especially when they don't even speak English and are taking up all the bloody jobs and being rude (us Singaporeans can totally relate).

But get over it, this is how the world works now. Globalisation is happening and it's a modern society everywhere and people moving over from wherever they are is inevitable. It's part of evolving? If the world remains stagnant and ignorant of one another, how the hell can it progress. If you can't see it then you're probably not a very open-minded person. Isn't learning about new cultures and experiences exciting?

She kind of reminds me of a character from a Jacqueline Wilson book and if she's working class I'm guessing her circumstances doesn't leave her much else to blame.

But anyway the British have conquered a shit load of countries in their time so it's about time they "give back". Being a citizen of any country is no longer defined by your race or colour, it's defined by wherever the hell you were born in. I feel what your angst but get with times.

I still want to be an addition to your country's ever-growing number of migrants so good luck to the both of us.

2011-11-28T23:10:00.002+08:00

Most of everyone is actually as messed up as I think I am. I don't know if its the country, or their lives or what but what I kinda get out of all this is that if you don't feel depressed, you don't have anything to achieve.

Although of course the process itself is a risk, because you either find or you lose yourself.

2011-11-27T00:12:00.004+08:00

I love them all, but I just wish they were smarter when handling big matters like this. Look at where this has landed us. I've had to settle for less for as long as I can remember and now at this age, I don't know..I guess its at the most vulnerable and I feel like I'm about to go off the rails any second. I can't help being whiny all the time here, this is the only platform I have. I'm not alone, but I feel lonely all the time. I want to see a counselor or a psychatrist but the charges are too expensive. I want to turn to someone, but things like this you can't just tell anybody and I can't open up so well it just comes out all wrong. Ahhh I hate this all I am as fucked as my life.

2011-11-26T12:50:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry for the past but it'd be nice if we could still be friends.

2011-11-20T03:04:00.003+08:00

this is damn funny man. theyre so liberally open! and munah is hot.

2011-11-19T22:10:00.003+08:00

Everyone's breaking the rules and going against their morals in this modern 21st century. Doesn't that put us back to how the human race all started, all barbaric and immoral? All these faith and values, they take a long time to be instilled, to be taught to humans and we've come to the end of that road - we're now a modern society and the cycle, my friends, is about to end.

Be prepared.

2011-11-15T20:44:00.003+08:00

I don't even need to think or ponder on the issue - situations and responses, they do all that for me. Do it all so clear for me to see. I honestly don't know if the issue is with me, for expecting too much when it's so out of reach, or if it's just this whole life I've been given.

There are two ways to survive isn't there? To either believe, or be realistic. But how far is reality before you need to believe? How come there are portions of life where they teach you to chase your dreams and how come there are portions where they tell you to face reality?

If it's impossible, then is happiness out of reach? Do I have to succumb to what I can get instead of what I want? Is this a phase, some kind of period every one goes through where they feel overshadowed and no matter how hard you try to both fit in and stand out, you fail either way? I can tell you about the countless times I've tried miserably and how it has all backfired. I want to give up, I really do...but I can't. I don't know what's stopping me, hell I don't even know what's encouraging me to go on.

I guess my drive is what I feel would be my future. I'm always careful not to step into that vulnerable territory, but heck, is that reality or belief? Am I fooling myself with all these thoughts of my ideal world or is this really attainable? Why am I so certain of the future when the present is so bleak, when I am so bleak? It starts from here, but if here doesn't like me, how do I progress? I am trying so hard to click with everyfuckingone but it has come to a point where its all just a desperate attempt to make contacts, and whats the point of that?

But it all boils down to this - how do I make sure no one gets to me? How do I secure this deep into me till it becomes a part of me? How do I get out of this?

I know what I am, and there's a constant battle inside me telling me what I should stop and what I should begin. I don't even really know which of the two sides in me I am. I know I'm not that nice and perfect and beautiful of a person, but am I that bad?

I want to be who I am in my head, that is all. But maybe I'm not that person, I'm this. And perhaps it's time to stop this battle and face who I really am always. Maybe I'll never get you, and that, or those.

I'm so frustrated.

2011-11-14T23:40:00.004+08:00

School is kinda lame now so thank god my I have my darling Isabella to come home to. She's the cutest thing on earth and I am going to be the coolest aunt in the whole wide world and dress her like a little fashionista and she will grow up to be as awesome as me. He he. (Although this is not a very good generation to grow up in)

2011-11-14T19:16:00.003+08:00

OMG SO NYLON IS LAUNCHING IN SINGAPORE NEXT YEAR AND THEY'RE HIRING. I AM APPLYING FOR CONTRIBUTOR AND INTERN(DURING THE HOLS). HOPEFULLY I GET IT! OMG TOTALLY MY DREAM JOB BUT IVE ALWAYS THOUGHT I'D BE DOING IT IF I GET TO ENGLAND NY WHEREVER BUT NOOO ITS NOW IN SG WOW WOW WOW

2011-11-13T22:46:00.003+08:00

Did not give them enough credit for Mylo Xyloto. Sure their sound have always remained stagnant since their debut album in '00, but then I've always wished the Artics would do the same. Good job anyway, its been almost 15 years since their inception and they're still prominent, must count for something eh

2011-11-11T23:16:00.002+08:00

Was caught off-guard when I first gave this song a listen. This song is so emotionally haunting, I mean I obviously can't relate to it because I haven't been through said situation but I can just feel the pain through the song and the lyrics with the way its sung and the beat, it really is just too beautiful for words. I'm moved

I'll hold your hand when you are feeling mad at me
When the monsters they wont go,
The windows, they wont close,
I'll pretend to see what you see

How long, I say how long, will you re-live the things that are gone?
The devil's on your back but I know you can shake him off

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through because I just really want to be with you

You know its funny how freedom can make us feel contained
When the muscles in our legs aren't used to all the walking
I know if you could snap both your fingers than you'd escape with me

But in the meantime I'll just wait here and listen to you when you speak, or scream

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through because I just really want to be with you

And every day that you want to waste, that you want to waste, you can
And every day that you want to wake up, that you want to wake, you can
And every day that you want to change, that you want to change, yeah
I'll help you see it through because I just really want to be with you

2011-11-08T22:43:00.002+08:00

NOOOOOO FRANKIE GOT AXED FROM X FACTOR!!!! APPARENTLY HE BROKE A "GOLDEN RULE". WHO WOULD BELIEVE THAT SHIT? THEY OBVIOUSLY WANTED HIM OUT OF THE COMPETITION, AND USED THAT AS AN EXCUSE. I MEAN HE HAS PROBABLY BROKEN LOADS OF RULES BEFORE, BUT NOW IS THE IDEAL TIME FOR THEM TO KICK HIM OFF SINCE HE'S GETTING QUITE A BAD IMAGE(ALTHOUGH HIS FAN BASE IS STILL MASSIVE).

I NOW HAVE NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO EVERY WEEKEND ANYMORE. JANET IS SHIT EVERYONE IS SHIT BUT FRANKIE WAS ENTERTAINING.

2011-11-06T00:43:00.003+08:00

You've taken your words and you take your judgments
And stick them onto everything
If it don't conform to what you were born into,
Then you run the other way
You say, "now what's your style and who do you listen to?" who cares?
Well that rat race ladder-climbing fake-face smile's got nothing on me

So...I probably am not a very staunch believer but I don't think religion defines whether you're a a truly good person or not. I know like tons of 'religious' people who are all hypocrites. You can't preach and don't practice my friend it just doesn't work that way.

And it's not up to you to judge people either. Are you God? Will you be paying for our sins? I think not.

2011-11-05T23:04:00.002+08:00

Have always had this little crush on Syarif from Sleeq but I think the crush might have evolved after watching them perform today on MeRadio. He's so hot ahhhhhhhh(can't believe I'm actually crushing on a local guy).

2011-11-03T23:40:00.002+08:00

Hey....I don't know if you'd even read this but I just wanna...apologize if I had led you on. I didn't mean to upset you in any way. I didn't really know how to bring up the whole going out thing and... im just sorry.

2011-11-01T20:09:00.004+08:00

Hate is overrated too, I've come to realize. I think there is a little too much hate in me than is healthy but don't the others too?

We seem to hate everyone. We see another pretty girl/handsome boy, we hate. Our love interest shows no sign of interest, we hate. We see others not queuing up to be our friends, we hate. We see others not conforming to society, we hate.

It's almost like our mode of defense, something we fall comfortably back to when we're not ready to embrace acceptance. It is unfair isn't it? How we "hate" for the most hollow, baseless reasons ever. But it is easy...to hate, instead of accept. To channel all your emotions to that person into that ball of fury in you, instead of admitting your place.

Although, mind you, hate comes in all sort of forms. There are hatred for people who've truly done something horrible to you(which is an acceptable hate in my opinion), for your life and then there's just pointless hatred. For something you can't have, for something you can't change.

Grow up, that's what we need to do. We need to grow up and realize that things may not always go as planned and in the process, we can't hate what made it not possible.

...I wonder how it feels like to walk in your child-like shoes.

On a side note, I am really quite sick of trying to pretend to amuse you, when everything you say just disgusts the shit out of me. I am sick of her having to bear with your antics because she's too afraid to do otherwise, and how we're all just putting up with this. I am sick of seeing everyone pretend. I don't need sympathy or empathy or anything for that matter...I am just quite tired of this ache in my heart for you.

I am young, and my heart is not supposed to break for you.

2011-11-01T00:22:00.001+08:00

Quite a lot of concerts are coming in right now so Fever Avenue is kinda swamped with it. Wish I didn't have school so I can spend all my time writing for FA without having the thought of ICAs(which are alr starting)bugging me at the back of my head.

On a side not, so glad I'm with FA now.

2011-10-30T13:40:00.003+08:00

Hellllllo I just woke up from one of the most terrific nights of my life! Went to Halloween Spooktacular last night and that was okay...I was kinda scared at first but the long waiting time got me a bit fed up to be scared anymore. But anyway after that I had a Power 98 party to attend to(courtesy of Fever Avenue), at Cafe Del Mar. I was only allowed one guest but since the party's ending the rest all got in anyway. Adam Jw and co were all leaving for Butter Fact and I wasn't sure I could get in so we stayed there.

We were getting a bit high I guess and Bel and I stopped playing volleyball halfway to check out Azzura cos it was so happening with the lights and music compared to Del Mar. Both of us with Tere and Bern ran over to the barriers and before we know it we were climbing over it and then heading to the foam pool! The night was E-P-I-C. The music could've been better but it was still hell fun anyway, we danced everywhere! Some guy told me to wake Tere and Bel up when they were resting cos it was a "waste" paying 30 bucks if you're just gonna rest but we got in for free!

Probably not the most outrageous party experience there is out there but it's my first step to being young and reckless, soooo good. Some joker guy(literally a guy dressed as joker)from NUS came and chatted to Bel and me and gave us a Malibu(I know we're not spp to accept drinks from strangers) and it was all kinda fun and wild for me I like!

2011-10-26T00:45:00.002+08:00

Finished Catching Fire oblivious to my surroundings.

Another of those moments where my mind is just in between the plot and reality. Such a good book.

2011-10-23T16:17:00.003+08:00

I am not really that into Frankie as I was 4 weeks ago, but I'll tell you this,

Gary is up himself and is a shitty mentor. I mean blahblahblah yes Frankie vocals are not as strong but you knew that from his audition didn't you. Why you want him in was because he had that persona in him. And you personally said to Robbie during the judges' house audition that if Frankie were to get in, the one thing you're sure you would do is to make Frankie NOT behave. So now he's out partying and drinking and kissing girls and you're telling him to "please behave for me"? Go screw yourself.

And you're supposed to mentor him and give him advice, not put him down in front of national tv! You could've easily said what you said backstage, I mean you're his mentor, no matter what you're supposed to back him up in front of the public. If you don't believe in him then who else would?

Your whole makeover with him is ruining him. I think I've gone off him a bit because of the way he dresses now and the shitty songs he sings! Which is all your fault Gary because I like him perfectly fine in his video diaries where he seems fairly himself. He is different on stage now, it's not him and you can tell he doesn't like it either but since you the mentor told him to he has no choice does he? In Hello, he sang perfectly fine! But on the live shows when he sings YOUR songs, he's terrible.

Poor Frankie. Ultimately he of course doesn't deserve the title, but his departure shouldn't be like this. Shouldn't be everyone picking on him. You're turning him on himself and you're making him out be someone's he's not.

Bloody media is all a bloody conspiracy.

2011-10-22T01:17:00.004+08:00

Hahahah Vaish sent me this a few minutes ago.

I miss her. I miss making up stories for/with her in SS class and messing around in Physics even though we pitied Mr Tan. I miss joking around with her and having long phone conversations about absolutely stupid things without it being ever awkward or weird. I miss how we'd make fun of other people secretly with our own secret language and gestures. I miss how Ms Yue and Vaish would always roll their eyes playfully at me when I ask them dumb questions on Maths. I miss how they were so nice and patient in teaching me even though I was obviously hopeless at it. I miss how Vaish and I would study in West Coast and then make fun of all the "pigs". I miss how we'd all conference with Nicholas and then force him to call Vik and have him mute us just so Vaish can be a stalker and hear his voice hahahha. I miss how Nich and I would tease her about Vik and she would be acting all nonchalant, as if she can't be bothered. I miss how we'd all speak terrible English. I miss Vaish...I miss Nich too come to think of it, I miss how close we all were before.

It's only been a year but everything has changed so drastically it's unbelievable to look back now and realize where we were before. I wish we didn't have to grow up.

2011-10-17T19:23:00.002+08:00

WTF?!?!

WTF. Frankie was in the bottom 2(but he's saved). I mean I get it if it was the judges decisions but it was the public vote!! Where the fuck were all you british fangirls yesterday goddamnit

But anyway I am reallllly in love with this performance! The song's perfect for the night and its so upbeat and catchy I've probably watched this like a million times already.

2011-10-16T22:28:00.004+08:00

It's the time of the week for the X Factor review yayyy!

There's not really much I can say now except that Frankie was unfortunately shit, I mean what was up with the lyrics? The tweak was horrible, the lyrics are repetitive and it sounded weird. The theme was love this week and I was realllly looking forward to seeing Frankie being very serious and kind of lovey dovey but what is this crap? Gary Barlow, you prick.

It wasn't until I started reading Tumblr posts that I realized that Gary really doesn't seem to bother about Frankie anymore. I think he is either being complacent, overestimating Frankie's looks and his fanbase knowing they'll keep him in the competition, or somewhere along the line he gave up on Frankie. Which I don't get why, sure he hasn't got the best singing voice...but he's certainly got the X Factor hasn't he? I mean he has fans worldwide for fuck sake, wouldn't that guarantee success?

He hasn't got a bad voice at all. He'd do well singing rock songs, you're the fucking mentor Gary why can't you see at all that The Scientist was absolutely not working for him? There are plenty of love songs that aren't slow.

But whatever, I'm counting on all the British coconuts to vote for Frankie and anyway I doubt he's gonna get kicked out...because Rhythmix did worse than him and they should get kicked out. Them or Kitty, or anyone else(except for Janet because she and Frankie are the only reasons I'm even watching XFUK) for that matter.

I must say though this week's performance was a bit...bland. Either that or I'm just losing interest.

2011-10-14T13:09:00.002+08:00

I am officially a PUBLISHED WRITER!!! My first 4 entries are nothing special, just press releases from music companies to have me write about their artists' new stuff but its great anyway!

Just like when I first joined Mass Media, I realized there's more to it than I think. There's lots of admin and PR stuff, things I really don't know much about so its kinda scary, but its good I'm exposed to it all now....even though as much as I've always dream of going for glamourous events and parties, I'm kinda scared because it's all so new and unfamiliar, but time will fix that. Also I'm going for a casual meeting on Sunday with all the other entertainment writers and god am I nervoussss. I'm not very sociable and I probably will end up looking like an idiot, but here's to hoping I don't!

2011-10-13T20:22:00.008+08:00

Everyone is so money driven here its soo annoying. I mean, I don't give a fuck if you want to get as much money as you want, but not everyone is in it for the fucking money. But of course I don't blame them, growing up in this society kind of shape you into a paperchasing monster but don't you all have brains to think? There is more to life than money. Sure money buys you tons of worldly possessions and nobody wants to be a poor bastard but that doesn't mean every single thing we do we need to get money out of it. Talk about typical. There is a difference between being independent and being kiasu.

Anyway most rich people are tight-fist so...but anyway thats a different story. All I'm saying is that money is not everything and I am young and I shall not conform to society and work sooo bloody hard for money now when I am liable for just that when I grow up. So there.

"Fair enough if you're happy working 9 to 5,
But wouldn't you like to see the sun outside?
I'd rather have a go even if it goes wrong,
All is not lost I'm just back at square one,"

2011-10-11T00:08:00.006+08:00

Really in love with this track and the lyrics. Kinda gives me the motivation to carry on, as soddy as that may sound

If at some point we all succumb
For goodness sake let us be young
Because time gets harder to outrun
And I'm nobody, I'm not done
With a cool cool breeze and dirty knees
I rest on childhood memories
We all got old at breakneck speed
Slow it down, go easy on me
Go easy on me

Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong

If it's up and after you
What do you suppose that you would do?
You're all whacked out from lack of sleep
You blame it on the friends you keep
You want to do things differently
And do them independently
We all got old at breakneck speed
Slow it down, go easy on me
Go easy on me

Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong
Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong

Does holy water make you pure?
Submerged your vision's just obscured
You're a lot like me
In up to our knees
In over your chest is way too deep

Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong
Put a wetsuit on, come on, come on
Grow your hair out long, come on, come
Put a t-shirt on
Do me wrong, do me wrong, do me wrong

2011-10-10T22:11:00.001+08:00

Omg so I'm really upset James got out although I'd rather much him than Frankie and well I wouldn't mind the other 2 going home but they have got pretty good voices so no chance of that.

I've never really been interested in James before but he's so sincere and genuine and he was relying on this for a better life and its just really unfair. And he's such a handsome bloke too. I hope he makes it out there, and earns big pounds and have a better life. I really do. Best of luck James.

And Amelie is out!! She's one of my favourites, and when I first watched her performance I was actually really impressed, but apparently I wasn't pro enough to decide if its good or not because she got kicked out. I really like her, and she's still young so I think she'll still be okay. Pity though.

And the fuck is 2 Shoes kicked out???? Is Tulisa deaf seriously? I understand how Gary and Kelly had no choice but to kick out James and Amelie seeing how the other contestants were also pretty good but Rythmix was horrible and everyone can vouch for that. They certainly had no star quality either, they look like a group of chavettes to be honest, they reallly do. They probably sound like it too. I really do not get this.

And for Louis' decisions...I have no comments because I was never really interested in the over 25s.

Overall I guess I've always knew James and Amelie would go so even though I am really devo for them, I am also happy for the rest who got through. I'm not happy about 2 Shoes though.

Also, this just goes to prove how this isn't really much of a talent show, they just keep who gives them the most press coverage and entertainment.

2011-10-09T23:13:00.005+08:00

I think being an artist, or anyone famous really, opens up a lot of doors to insecurities. Since right now I'm obsessed with X Factor UK, I've been looking up loads of stuff related to Frankie/Janet/Amelie and I realised that Frankie and Janet get quite a lot of airtime while Amelie gets a moderate amount and what I'm really trying to say is that the more popular you are, the more you get to be on TV.

It doesn't even take talent, Frankie is sexy as and I love him to bits and would gladly accept him as the winner just for being him, but reality is, there are better singers in the competition and they don't get as much airtime just because they are not a "hit" with the mainstream public. Like James Micheal for example, he's quite good looking too, has a nice voice but rarely gets any airtime and probably has fans equivalent to the population of a reallly small town in an undeveloped country(FOS).

Sooooo if I was him I'd be hell devastated, and pissed at the shallowness of this whole industry. And I'd probably be really depressed too. And I'm not just referring to X Factor only, it happens everywhere in this industry, and probably every other one as well. A bit of a shame innit?

I really want Frankie to win, but the harsh truth is that he doesn't deserve to because he's not the best and if he wins, it just stands to prove that this whole thing is a massive flop. Sometimes fangirls need to calm the fuck down and get their perspectives straight. Me included.

I have seriously underestimated the shit artists have to go through apart from the glitz and glamour of their high life.

2011-10-09T22:11:00.002+08:00

Was looking at all my past photos....I miss them all, even though we meet on a somewhat regular basis.

:')

2011-10-09T17:02:00.003+08:00

There's a wedding under my block now and I swear every wedding is like a free concert for all the residents in the block(and for every other block where there're weddings). Good or bad it varies from wedding to wedding but either way it kinda get on your nerves, especially when you're looking for some peace and quiet.

I'm malay so I understand and can tolerate the noise but I don't know how people who didn't have to grow up with this culture can stand it. I've seriously underestimated the multi culturalness of this country hahaha

Either that or complaining's against the law and people just don't want to get fined.

2011-10-04T23:12:00.002+08:00

I most certainly do.

2011-10-03T22:24:00.003+08:00

Need to focus.

I have to take a final look at my 2 articles and get some inspiration somehow, because they are not looking good(they're shit). And I need to send them in BY TONIGHT.

I need to get my act together and stop freaking the hell out about writing a press release because I have one due Wed and it is not going to write itself.

I'm still quite clueless about it but I think I'll manage. I better.

The press release is about Selena Gomez hosting the MTV awards this year. I've not watched any MTV awards since 2008 but that shall not scare me.

Totally.Not.Freaking.Out

2011-10-02T21:29:00.009+08:00

Don't you think happiness is a little overrated? We think we're happy...but we're not. We think we're sad but we're really not either. We're just living.

We misuse the word all the time. Buy your favourite yogurt and you're "happy". Go shopping and you're "happy". Eat and you're "happy". But fuck happy, I want bliss.

I honestly don't remember the last time I felt elation of any sort. I don't think I've even had a proper "happiest" day of my life. All I can think of when I see that question is the day I went to Escape Theme Park 7-8 years ago. But I wouldn't call that the happiest day of my life either, I can't even remember much of what happened. Its the only thing I can think of when I think of "happiest" because I don't know, perhaps thats the closest to genuine, raw happiness I've felt. /pathetic /facepalm

I mean sure we're contented, or accepting of our present lives, but I'm talking about real happiness. The kind when you feel like you're in some sort of bubble and you're floating and there's nothing anyone can do to change the way you feel, or when you're so happy you feel like smiling widely without caring what people think. I guess I must have felt some sort of happy moment before because otherwise how would I know how it feels like? Maybe it just wasn't that intense. All I know is that I want to feel joy engulfing every fiber of my being and like my heart is gonna burst anytime soon out of sheer happiness.

Maybe my life is just boring the fuck out of me and nothing around me seems exciting anymore and life is just becoming a routine. Maybe when everyone else says they're happy, they're really feeling on top of the world. But I don't know.

One thing I know for sure though, is that everyone has a list of things/people that would supposedly make their lives better and we're just going through each day hoping we're getting closer to it(or them) but until then I guess we- I, am just living. Euphoria is only achieved when I see my life, and I see no further adjustments to it because it is perfect the way it is.

But perfection. Isn't that overrated too? Isn't life supposed to be full of imperfections and we, imperfect ourselves, have to see beyond them and instead see what about them that makes us and everything around us perfect? I think that's really stupid in a way, because if so then the 2 words should really just be one, because both mean the same anyway but I get what they're trying to say.

I've gone a bit off topic now, and I'm starting to really confuse myself and definitions are getting a bit blurry, so till then.

2011-10-01T23:09:00.006+08:00

I have nothing else to say except look at these

Why don't YOU come on over Frankie?

alright.

2011-10-01T17:41:00.002+08:00

I honestly dont get what the big deal is in Robin, Ted and Barney hanging out together even though Ted and Barney have both dated Robin. Ted should learn to man up and stop getting influenced by the thoughts of others and just go about his life. Damn it.

2011-09-29T01:50:00.000+08:00

HILARIOUZZZZZZ

2011-09-29T01:18:00.005+08:00

Soo I was watching the US' X Factor on TV the other night and I was thinking, "Wow this is good." Yeah well that lasted up till yesterday when I started watching X Factor UK and realized the UK's pwns the hell out of the US' version.

But I'm not being professional of course, I just think this way because well, Frankie is swell. He's such a bad boy and when he winks and smiles, oh my god I swear that just destroys his whole "bad boy" image. He looks so cute and cheeky when he smiles its almost painful. I know he objectifies women and he's probably not a good role model for youths out there but fuck it, most boys are like that, the only difference is that most boys are afraid to let loose while he's so fucking carefree. Definition of a teenager he is. I like the way he sings too, although it probably isn't the best vocals around(I'd like to see how Simon thinks of him though, pity he moved to US XF). Its just really husky and sexy ksnfk;djngeua;eguan he kind of reminds me of Pete Doherty too! He should be in an indie rock band though, don't know why someone like him would join something as commercial and mainstream as X Factor. That voice doesn't go well with being a popstar...a rockstar would be ace though.

God I'm losing my morals.

But then there's Janet and I really like her too. She's so shy and sweet and her voice is really good.

I wish they had the UK's one here instead of the US'.

2011-09-26T12:52:00.005+08:00

My research wasn't extensive enough.

Croydon is generally not safe. Based on statistics alone, Croydon has 63 homicides and PURLEY HAS A CRIME COUNT OF 111. The other site showed 143 but I'm staying at 111.

The forums have people saying Croydon is fairly a safe place to live in though, although of course with most London boroughs it can't be too safe and one has to be streetwise. Some said it is horrible and murders and robberies are everywhere.

I don't know if I'm streetwise. I have been living in a safe country all my life.....

So walking at 4am down the streets there could result in my murder and walking down the street here at 4am might result in me being possessed ha ha.

I don't know which is worse.

I'll just move to wherever life takes me and if I get shot or raped or robbed then too bad for me(please don't let that happen to me god). Whats life if you don't live right? And also I can't prove too much with these internet facts anyway, you never know until you experience it for yourself.

2011-09-25T17:37:00.004+08:00

I just realised a move to England would be quite complicated because of the social hierarchy there(Asian, small, without family, no apparent social class). But idealistically, I'd like to move to Purley, where its generally crime free and is probably the only country-like suburb in Croydon.

But if I'm ever getting to London, I'm going to be alone, and starting a job. Which rules out property on most middle class suburban areas in London. I would most likely end up living in a small flat in central London or a council house in dingy neighbourhoods in Camden. Unless I'm planning to settle down with a family or have a guardian, it is not likely I'll end up in Purley, where its middle class and family-friendly and quite costly.

Damn reality. Although I suppose if I work really hard I can afford a 3 bed house(£238,426) in Purley. But there's not much time is there?

2011-09-25T16:33:00.002+08:00

A soothing change for the soul

2011-09-24T19:23:00.006+08:00

"Everybody's got their box, doing what they're told. You pushed my faith near being lost, but we'll stick to the guns don't care if it's marketing suicide, we won't crack or compromise, your derisory devides will never unhinge us"

2011-09-24T15:21:00.005+08:00

I sent in my interest in joining Fever Avenue's(www.feveravenue.com) team of writers last 2 weeks(courtesy of my brother's recommendation) and I am meeting the founder and the editor for an interview this Friday in town.

To say I am scared and nervous would be an understatement. It seems kinda surreal to me but its time I get out of my comfort zone and start chasing. I can and I will do it. I've always wanted to be a journalist anyway, and this would be a good time to get some experience.

Wish me luck x

2011-09-22T01:18:00.004+08:00

I am really glad and at the same time depressed about the Google Street View thing. Soo I've been spending my day literally searching for a perfect neighbourhood(which is really hard seeing as how I had pictured Croydon in my head was wayyy different than it is in reality so I had to switch my fantasy to Sutton instead, which I am quite unfamiliar with and is HUGE ASS)(also this is real corny/lame but whatever I like it) and fucking London is bloody messy, and also dirty. Apart from London, I've been googling a few suburbs of Cali and Illinois and they are looking OK. Although Australia is currently the title holder of "Cleanest Suburbs EVER"(family home checked).

I am depressed because Sutton is really really quite huge and that's just one borough of London alone(How one can travel to and fro from London to Manchester in 5 hours is beyond me, when according to the map it would seem to me travelling around London itself would take more than 5 hours) and I was at first quite content with Queenswood Ave, which I assumed is in the town of Sutton, but when I wiki'd Sutton(the town, not the borough) and googled Gibson road, the fucking Q.Ave was nowhere near so I don't know if Q.Ave is even in Sutton(town). The houses in Gibson are far better though but I like the area of Q.A better plus it is near the shops and all AND I AM GETTING QUITE RESTLESS I need a home :(

This is getting really stupid too because 1] I live in fucking Singapore and will probably be here for a few more years(thats if I don't chicken out and stay in my comfort zone). 2] This whole googling thing is a bit psychotic and the way I am getting really intense in finding a place(which is not even my house anyway) is really getting kinda creepy. 3] My eyes are really tired. So are my fingers. I've been staring and clicking for the whole day.

On the bright side, London has shitty suburbs and at least now I know what to expect when I do get there someday, poor dream of mine though, shattered just like that haha but better be prepared now than later.

I really want to sleep but I feel unfinished not finding a neigbourhood. I really think I am mentally deranged. This could go on for hours.

2011-09-20T15:01:00.002+08:00

Should really go get ready now but I'm listening to Eminem's songs from way back and I am kind of in awe. And also a tad bit creeped out. But mostly awe, and respect(in the least sadistic way possible).

2011-09-20T13:16:00.005+08:00

LOLz it is becoming overused as hell and amusingly the people who spam this phrase are the ones who are not very strong in their command of the EL.

2011-09-18T23:56:00.002+08:00

I can see myself reacting to things I wish I had reacted differently to but I can't stop it and more often than not my conscious actions are not on par with what I'm really feeling and I am sorry. Sometimes I wish people would dig a little deeper than what is shown but of course nobody bothers to because I am no one special. What is it with me? I am as confused as you are and I don't know what makes me happy anymore

Money can't buy happiness but it buys sanity. Temporarily of course, before the whole facade crumbles and reveals itself again.

2011-09-17T10:55:00.004+08:00

So...I was listening to Balaclava and I realised how this would be the perfect theme song for The Hunger Games (the movie)!

"Are you pulling her from a burning building or throwing her to the sharks?" could be describing the moment when Katniss was on the tree the first night and saw Peeta with the Careers and was confused. Was he betraying or protecting her?

And "That's right, he won't let her out of his sight. Now the shaggers perform and the daggers are drawn, who's the crooks in this crime?" could be when Peeta was looking out for Katniss without her knowing. Or when he ordered Katniss to run when she was still beside Glimmer and Cato and the rest were approaching.

OMG THIS SONG IS MADE FOR THE HUNGER GAMES. The whole of Favourite Worst Nightmare kinda fit the whole bill, sound wise.

I wish I had a Peeta/Katniss relationship of my own :( Peeta is the perfect and sweetest boy everrr. The nights spent at the cave was sooo, I don't know, perfect. And him finding out that Haymitch had been training Katniss to act that way...Poor Peeta(even though its so obvious Katniss has feelings for him too, but she was confused what with Gale in the picture and all)I don't know what will become of their relationship in the second book but Katniss best get her shit together and get with Peeta. Gale is old news. And Peeta is perfect.

God I can't stop thinking of the damn book.

2011-09-16T18:18:00.008+08:00

Haven't read a whole book passionately for about a year now but today I have. I hate the aftermath of reading a good book; the way the conflicting emotions of the characters in the book leave you feeling, and the blurred line between wanting to stay curled up thinking about them or getting back to reality(which always feels slightly..."incoherent", for a lack of a better word).

I was skeptical of the book at first, despite all the good reviews I've heard of it, thought the plot was a bit too "fictionous" and it didn't make much sense. But then again fiction is fiction for a reason and I found myself reading the book from when I woke up today up till now, not once stopping for anything else(best day spent at home ever since the hols started really. It was a wise decision to go to the library).

Also, I didn't know Hunger Games would have an underlying love twist to it because if i had known, I wouldn't have read it. Would have spared myself the turmoil of wanting, in this case, Peeta Mellark.

I guess the way the first book of the trilogy ended was inevitable but it didn't satisfy me. I need some kind of closure, a happy one, that would make up for till the next time I do read the second book, which would be a long time from now, depending on circumstances.

Am dying to read the synopsis of the second book to seek some sort of settlement and peace but I shall restrain from that. Shall not ruin the actual reading of the book. Till then

2011-09-15T00:24:00.003+08:00

Shay Mitchell is the prettiest girl in the world everrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Mixed babies always come out beautiful....being of a specific race just doesn't cut it anymore

2011-09-12T23:59:00.006+08:00

So...today was painfully mundane. Spent the whole day at home before going out in the evening for a jog for which I nearly died because apparently the haze was at its highest today and was particularly bad in the West so....hahah I kid. About the dying anyway, the haze part is true.

ANYWAY. Filled my whole day watching drum covers. Dont know why I'm watching drum covers when I know zilch about drumming but I've watched most of this guy's videos(and all of the songs he covered are songs I listen to coincidentally, wish I knew more boys in real life who listen to the same shit I do)and he is pretty incredz. Here's two of it.

He also got to play with Foals in one of their gigs! How rad is that you tell me.

I wish I could rock the drums like that but I've tried drumming on Rock Band and I couldn't even hit the shit right, much less rock it.

Oh what is life.

2011-09-12T01:14:00.006+08:00

Ten Years Later: A Tribute 9/11

My favorite 9/11 tribute in New York City can be found in Bryant Park. 2,819 empty chairs on the lawn facing the site where the World Trade Center once stood, one chair for every life lost. The number of empty chairs captures the enormity of the lives lost and the stark emptiness of it just drives home the point that I hope is never forgotten. 2,819 people were here one moment and gone the next. 2,819 went to work or boarded a plane one morning ten years ago thinking it would be another ordinary day and they never came home.

- Jetgirl78

I have shit loads of things I would like to comment about this disaster but it is 2am and my brain is not functioning very well. The terrorists are probably facing the wrath of hell now; That's right boys, continue burning. I hope the 2819 people are there to make you jump out of the twin tower and into a burning pit of fire over and over again.

2011-09-10T01:56:00.005+08:00

Soooo it is the time of the year again! I actually feel a lot more enthusiastic this year, the past years have been quite a case of nonchalance and greed(as some would say). But this year it feels more nostalgic and precious, perhaps I'm getting older and I'm really realizing the amount of routines that would change with age or perhaps I'm just holding on to the past(been doing that quite a lot now come to think of it)

I am so in love with the boy its not even funny! He has this reallly adorable curly hair and he looks like some Japanese samurai when he ties his hair. He has this huge eyessss and cute small lips soo cuuteeee. This picture does no justice! His whole family is really pretty la, I wish I can bring him and his sisters home.

And our annual "Jalan raya" with my two favourite Aunts and my cousins! There are 2 things I usually look forward to every raya, and that is the first day and this. Really sad how all most of us are like 17 or older and soon we'll all be too grown up for this anymore :( Feels like just yesterday we were mischievous little rascals......

And of course there's Raya with my primary school friends(frankly the only raya I've had with friends. Dont even do it with people off my secondary school). Those are great too, really amazing how we can talk non stop as if we've always been seeing each other everyday. SAPS certainly is a goooood school. Can't be bothered posting pictures up for that cos I looked like crap but it was fun, as always.

Certainly more open about it now than I was before and I don't know if its because of the environment I was in before or what but its good, really enjoyed myself although of course certain things stay the same.

2011-09-07T01:48:00.002+08:00

It's been good

2011-09-06T00:27:00.004+08:00

You have a wonderful way with words for the modern world. I love you Alex you are perfection.

The smiles as she walked in the room
Have all turned into frowns
Am I to quick to assume
That the love is no longer in bloom?
The tantrums and the tears
Play a very different tune

To what they did before
Her heads red raw
And the ending doesn't sound like
The happiest around
When you sobbed before
It felt much more
Like the product of a squabble
Now there's reason for it
To be something more

And there would be
Oh, it's uncertain
Whether the curtain has shut for good
she said "see if it's still raining
I'm not dressed for it
And if you loved me"
I interrupted
Received a scowl and stare
Still decided to stop her there

Would it be outrageous to say
We're either shouting or we're shagging
Docked in tempestuous bays
Or at least that's how it felt yesterday
The eyes are getting heavier
And whether you're asleep or awake
Is a mystery

Would a kiss be too much to ask?
When you fit me
Like Sunday's frozen pitch
Fits the thermos flask
It's a pity
It's just hit me, we can't go back
To the chest touching on the back

Also, AM is the only band with incredible B-sides. I wish I was british so bad listening to the B-sides. All these teen dilemmas are going to be over soon :(

2011-09-05T21:52:00.003+08:00

Just to set the record straight for all the people out there for whom the SG education system has failed,

if you're born in Singapore, you're a Singaporean(unless of course all that dual-citizenship and all those national terms come in, which in that case you might not be). It doesn't matter what race or the accent you speak. I was watching the OLLG video for Singapore and I find it really stupid how the Singaporeans are complaining about how JB didn't even choose a Singaporean to be his OLLG.

1] It wasn't even his choice, it was the crew's. 2] She is Singaporean, just because she has an American dad and goes to an American school and has an American accent doesn't make her any less of a Singaporean.

All the losers are probably talking about her race, and it's sad how people can't differentiate between race, religion and nationality. Just sad. Singapore, buck up your education system. Having citizens who can only memorize off books but are ignorant about the world affairs won't do you any good.

And all the Malays who were discriminating her because she has an accent and an American dad? You're all just jealous really, and even if her family does not follow the right traditions it's not up to all of you to judge. Will you be paying for her sins? I think not. Most of you mats and minahs have probably done worst things than her anyway.

I know this shit is old but I came across it today and I had to let it out somewhere. Ignorant people are really a bane to the society.

2011-09-04T11:50:00.002+08:00

WHY YOU DEACTIVATE YOUR FB HUSBAND? FB IS ESSENTIAL HAHA

2011-09-02T11:26:00.003+08:00

In my favourite class with my favourite teachers. Happy Teachers' Day, we miss you!

2011-08-31T13:24:00.003+08:00

I JUST REALIZED ALEX HAD HIS HAIR CUT. THIS IS THE BEST HAIR CUT HE HAS EVER HAD HE LOOKS PROPER LUSHH NOW I CAN'T EVEN DEAL. SOOO BEAUTIFULLLL XXXXXXXXX

2011-08-31T03:11:00.002+08:00

"I don't have much money, but boy if I did I'd buy a big where we both could live"

I don't want and will not settle for typical.

2011-08-29T14:30:00.005+08:00

So bored...wish I look like this in real life.

Am going to go get a haircut!

2011-08-29T01:07:00.001+08:00

I can feel the heat of resentment engulfing every fiber of my being. I couldn't comprehend how such loathing can come out from you towards them before but I can see it so clearly now. People can be so fake.

2011-08-28T15:58:00.006+08:00

Was trying to kill time so I watched my Busted A Ticket For Everyone DVD from way back and was hit with a truck of memories. I miss those early teen days of obsessing over british pop stars and searching high and low for their CDs and DVDs in Singapore and spending every dollar of mine on them. I remember when this very blog was decorated feverishly with McFLY and Busted and when I used to think that without them I wouldn't survive and the means I had to go through to gather all the info about them and the amount of time I spent doodling and thinking about them. I loved them so much it was almost overpowering. I remember how every decision of my life then was made by them and how they got me through when I felt down and how all in all, they played a pretty big part in my life when I was 13.

Very melodramatic those days were, but thank you.

2011-08-27T13:56:00.002+08:00

"Show me low quotations, have you earned your stripes?
Fabricate salvation, Lord I know your type"

2011-08-26T01:40:00.008+08:00

My hairline is receding. I didn't even know receding of the hairline was possible until I heard Tony talking about it and now I'm all conscious about it. But its true. Am desperately trying a million hair care products to help salvage the situation but it doesn't seem to be working that well. I nourish my hair, I sleep and eat well so i really don't know why my hair is falling off...shit always have to happen to me.

Exams are over anyway, there's only 2 papers so not a big deal really. Yesterday's woes seem pointless and silly now, we are getting too weak. Uhhhh and also I feel reallly free now, I mean I'm usually free every other day too but tonight I'm feeling genuinely free, no guilty thoughts about studying no nothing fuck yessssssssss holidays I welcome you with wide open arms.

2011-08-25T01:16:00.002+08:00

Am really annoyed. For 2 reasons.

1. Me.

I am so annoyed at me, I can't seem to muster much, if not any, effort for stupid Chong. I have the whole day to finish 7 lectures and although thats a bit too much, I could've at least finished 5. I haven't. I feel like killing myself seriously, a part of me wants to skin me alive for not focusing but the other half of me just can't be fucked. And the whole of me don't want to fail, so I don't know whats up with the laziness today.

2. The rest.

I mean sure we have a lot of lectures to study but cut Chong some slack. He's not really at fault, I mean we had plennnntttyyy of time to study, we just chose not to. And now because we're studying at the last minute and have a reallly high risk of failing the paper, we start blaming and spamming hate on him. It's really kinda unfair to him. It's our fault, not his. I wish people would see that. Hate yourself more for not studying earlier.

I don't blame Chong for the paper tomorrow, I mean I am dreading the paper and I hate the fact that Chong has sooo many lectures but I know its my fault for not studying earlier, am not gonna put the blame on my poor unknowing lecturer.

Also, fuck the paper. Good night.

2011-08-22T23:34:00.001+08:00

Young Noah: Get in the water.
Young Allie: No! I'm scared.
Young Noah: [yelling] Get in the water, woman! Get in the water!
Young Allie: [looks at him, puzzled]
Young Noah: [calmly] No I'm sorry baby, please just get in.
Young Allie: [hesitates]
Young Noah: [once his friends start yelling again] GET IN THE WATER!

omg totally forgot how amazingly rad this movie was :')

2011-08-22T23:32:00.002+08:00

I don't know why people make life hard for themselves when it's really not that bad, and then blame people for their misery.

2011-08-21T01:38:00.003+08:00

"I wish I would have seen you in the bakery, but if I'd seen you at the bakery, you probably wouldn't have seen me"

2011-08-20T17:45:00.001+08:00

“Maybe the older you grow the less easy it is to put thought into action, maybe that’s why it gets all locked up in your head and becomes a burden.”

— Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s

2011-08-20T02:26:00.002+08:00

Your english is horrible and you spam meaningless shit on my timeline every bloody day, who the fuck wants to follow you? Get real.

2011-08-19T15:48:00.003+08:00

WE ARE A MESS, WE ARE FAILURES BUT WE LOVE ITTT
I should really focus on learning Products instead of watching videos after videos of very sexy british indie rockers. He he

2011-08-19T15:01:00.001+08:00

Best song

2011-08-19T13:25:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me about how I'm doing or how school is when you don't really want to hear it. Sometimes its like you're the only person you can depend on, everyone else will just leave and disappoint you.

2011-08-16T21:01:00.003+08:00

omg is this the cutest thing or what? I know this song's really corny and all but I can't stop listening to it!!!

2011-08-08T23:15:00.004+08:00

This is the last week of school, before study break begins (and then hello 6 weeks of holidays).

MS1101 is...truly a wonderful class. Everyone obviously have their differences, have a few flaws here and there that occasionally annoy the shit out of one another but despite all these, we really are very supportive of one another. I don't know....I can't put into words how really amazed I feel.

And no one in this class is judgemental. No one judges you from the way you look. It feels good being around people who treats you as you and not for all the worldly possessions you own, who has an open mind. No one is pretentious, no one pretends to like things they don't, no one subtly insults you for the things you don't have.

It's just really nice, I mean all these doubts I had for Poly way back are all destroyed. Maybe I'm just lucky, maybe this is only the beginning but one thing I know for sure is that this class, makes me feel like me.

I'm really enjoying school and I wish the semester didn't have to end.

:(

2011-08-03T16:51:00.003+08:00

OUR PRODUCTION

Filming a drama is certainly much more exciting than doing a news or a feature story, although its about 10x more tiring.

Good experience, can't believe this is my final production for the semester already....feels like just yesterday I was handed my first filming assignment.

TOO FAST.

2011-07-24T20:50:00.003+08:00

Go on, give up. Give up and be a nobody, give up and be the people they've always thought you were. People are too caught up with being lazy and the amateur dramas of their life to get their perspectives straight. We are young and free and I wish they could all see that the best of their years have yet to come. Why live in ignorance and stupidity? Ten years down the road all of you bitches would be living the well stereotyped lives and the cycle will go on. Well fucking done. A round of applause for your continuing what could've been stopped.

But I guess in a way your type have to exist, because how else will the better of us be entertained?

2011-07-24T13:02:00.000+08:00

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that?

- Renton, Trainspotting

2011-07-15T18:58:00.001+08:00

Ooooooh TDCC is on my list this week! Screw Paramore, TDCC HERE I COME!

2011-06-27T22:26:00.001+08:00

Is it cruel or kind not to speak my mind,
and to lie to you rather than hurt you?
Well I'll confess all of of my sins
after several large gins
but still I'll hide from you,
hide what's inside from you.

And alarm bells ring
when you say your heart still sings
when you're with me.
Won't you please forgive me?

But I no longer hear the music
Oh no no no no no

And all the memories of the pubs
and the clubs and the drugs and the tubs
we shared together,
Will stay with me forever.

But all the highs and the lows
and the to's and the fro's,
They left me dizzy,
Oh won't you please forgive me
I no longer hear the music
Oh no no no no

Well I no longer hear the music when the lights go out,
Love goes cold in the shades of doubt
The strange fate in my mind is all too clear.
Music when the lights come on
The girl I thought I knew has gone,
And with her my heart had disappeared...

Well I no longer hear the music
Oh no no no no no
All the memories of the fights and the nights
and the blue lights, all the kites
We flew together,
I thought they'd fly forever.

But all the highs and the lows
and the to's and the fro's
They left me dizzy,
Oh won't you forgive me

But I no longer hear the music
Oh no no no no no

Music when the lights go out
Love goes cold in the shades of doubt
The strange fate in my mind it's all too clear.

Music when the lights come on
The girl I thought I knew has gone
And With her my heart had disappeared

Well I no longer hear the music
Oh no no no no no
And no longer hear the music

2011-06-25T16:27:00.005+08:00

Look at how alex has grown :')
I wish all the rock stars I love can stop growing until I've had a chance to see them. Times like these I really think my youth is a waste of time because I'm not doing the stuff I really want to do anyway. I feel like life is catching up on me and adulthood is just around the corner and I still haven't done the things that I want to do, so I have the next 10 years planned out and I hope with all my heart, that that is enough time. And also, looking at how Alex have changed(fucking corny i know) in just a few years kind of "tells" me it'll be okay, that all the change I want to happen, have the time to happen.

It's a bit hard since I don't have life served to me on a silver platter, everyone's expecting me to earn the big bucks soon but I don't want to, I still have a lot of things I have yet to experience and see but in Singapore, it's all moving too fast and everyone's getting a job as soon as they graduate......

But I'm still kind of inspired now, although by the time I'm 22, Alex would be 30(and frankly that depresses me a little, but fingers crossed the band would still be rocking then), to not let the present affect me and to have my perfect future in mind(whilst of course working for it).

ENGLAND WAIT FOR ME.

2011-06-23T19:53:00.003+08:00

So bored. Spent the day indulging in trippy pop songs and a little bit of work.

2011-06-21T22:07:00.005+08:00

Good session of truth or dare, first impressions and usual gossip yesterday while we bbqed food. Me and Matthaeus got lucky and received a cake facial courtesy of Yi Huai. It felt surprisingly cooling to have cake smashed on your face...hmmm.

Us in order of Tony's "chio points" system

Went for a swim with Elvs, Yap and a few of the boys. Stole a t shirt from Tiff's room so I can be an IJ girl HEH HEH I am officially in the St. Bernadette's house, or something along that line, I don't quite remember the name.

Better enjoy while we still can before term 2 starts and projects pile up and deadlines get nearer.

Pizza party soon!

2011-06-21T14:34:00.000+08:00

She's been loop the loooping around my mind